How can we get rid of anger so that we can live happily? To answer this question, we need to look deeply inward so that we can understand things clearly.
If we don’t, we will live an unhappy life. Buddha taught us not to react to an angry person. If we react like that, we are worse than them, crazier and certainly not better than them in any way. Responding to anger with anger is futile.
Let us find ways to avoid, to let go, and to purge from this folly. Think of ways to let go of this delusion. This can be done by training patience and humility. For example, a parent might give their child a new toy, only to find it broken. Then, instead of getting angry, parents can reflect on the unsustainability of things. On the other hand, if parents only pay attention to their child’s carelessness with the toy, they will certainly be resentful.
In any social situation, we need to make an effort to let go of our feelings hatred. If we get angry and can’t take it anymore, then it’s best to separate ourselves from the situation. Not contacting people who annoy us will help reduce resentment. It is a temporary way of letting go of anger.
We often have a tendency to blame ourselves. Even when we try to develop love, we can become resentful of ourselves. When we make a mistake, we condemn ourselves harshly. For example, when we make a bad decision at work or buy a bad product, it can lead to disappointment, self-blame, and self-loathing. Focusing on mistakes causes anger to arise and persist. Instead of wallowing in self-blame, we should think that it’s okay to make mistakes. There is no sentient being who does not make mistakes.
We cannot control our own mind, nor can we control the minds of others, including our own children. They do not always listen to us, because they are a separate individual. Children are not our property. We can’t force them to just do what we want, so it’s pointless to resent them. Instead, we need to learn from them, to know their personalities and states and understand how they react in certain situations. When we can understand other people’s personalities and temperaments, we are better equipped to deal with them.
Avoiding people who make us angry does not solve the problem. Instead, we try to cultivate tolerance for those who make us angry. Try to find skillful means by which we can see things from their point of view. When we can understand them completely, we have learned to live amicably with each other, to communicate peacefully, with little controversy, anger, malice or prejudice. This is the key point. If we do not understand the people around us, it is difficult to avoid conflict.
We need to develop the ability to listen and dialogue. For example, when a husband speaks, his wife should try to listen quietly without criticizing. Similarly, when the wife speaks, the husband must be patient, not answering curtly. With patience, husband and wife will not trouble each other. Then they will gain the skill of harmonious communication. On the other hand, if the couple continues to argue, the level of tension will increase.
Try to reflect that the truth is that people are very different. Develop the ability to understand and observe people, whoever they are, regardless of age or gender. For example, we observe that old people complain more often. Sometimes they get angry for no reason. Once we understand that, instead of being upset, we can change our view and attitude towards them. If we try to correct ourselves rather than change others, our positive changes will be noticed by others. Seeing the danger and suffering that accompanies anger is the way to let go of it.